First world problems in a developing nation

It's been a little hard getting back into the routine here. For the month of July, we were in the States, speaking english, driving on empty roads (222 traffic? Piece.of.cake.), playing in wide open spaces, and spending time with people who know us well. It was pretty magical. Now we are back to our reality--speaking spanish, driving on the-opposite-of-empty-roads, playing on bricks, and continuing to work on not offending everyone we speak to, just by simply being us.

I was feeling sorry for myself, for my kids especially, for a few weeks. I know--that's a really long pity party. I was sad that they didn't have any outdoor toys to play with; I was sad that making friends was so dang hard because of the language; I was sad that Olive was missing the "First day of Kindergarten/Riding the Bus" milestone that all my best-friends' kids were celebrating and that she'll never get to have; I was sad that my spanish regressed--a lot; I was sad that I couldn't talk to the sweet old lady on the bus because it just takes that much effort to formulate educated thoughts; I was sad that our dream is to adopt children and I just can't see how that is possible living on a tourist visa in another country, on other peoples' money. You get it right? I'm not saying all of these emotions aren't valid, because they are. But when I wallow in them, it's time for someone to smack me in the forehead and remind me these are first world problems in a developing nation and I have so much to be grateful for. Do you know another first world problem I encounter everyday? Watermelon with seeds. It's maddening.

And somewhere in the midst of this, I was reminded through a figurative smack on the forehead, of the value of practicing gratitude and being content in all circumstances. No, my kids don't have any toys to play with outside, but they have dirt to dig in to search for snails. How cool is that?! Making friends is hard, but we're doing it, and we have so many friends in our life here, in Mexico, that have shown us so much kindness, grace, and love. Olive has no idea she missed this milestone of Kindergarten--I'm pretty sure she is fine. My spanish is improving at the same rate that my pride is being diminished and soon I will be able to chat with the sweet old ladies that sit beside me on the bus. As for adopting, miracles happen. I've not only seen them, I've experienced them.

Check out these snails!

And as I chatted with at least 3 different friends in the US, at separate times, I was sharing how I was feeling discontent--I wanted to just move back and feel comfortable again--they all expressed how they wished they were here, in my shoes! And the light went on that discontentment creeps in anywhere, so easily, and it is such a killjoy. When I'm here, I want to be there; when I have this, I still want that; when things change, I want stability and when things are stable for too long, I want change. Ahhhhh! This is the perfect way to paralyze a life and make it useless.

I started mentally listing things I was thankful for and then as I was on the bus or walking somewhere, I would go through the list and just thank God for all of it. And as I list all that I am thankful for, I can't believe that I ever felt sorry for myself. In fact, I almost feel shameful. But then I remember that shame is a killjoy too, so that's not allowed. (Another killjoy? Candy Crush Saga. Don't. Just don't.) As I type this my heart is literally pounding when I think of every single thing there is to be thankful for because it so overwhelming.

So with that, life is crazy. Sometimes it's crazy-good and sometimes it's crazy-hard. Sometimes it's crazy-funny and sometimes it's crazy-boring. This is life and I want to be present in all of it, always with a heart of gratitude.

This makes me laugh. Hard.